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March 31, 2004
the last days
finished my last day of work yesterday, got out quick, didn't make much money but i had to be home anyways. it felt sad in a way to bit goodbye to my mexican and american friends, the mexicans said i was a "good gringo," which i thought was a pretty good compliment. then i went home and finished what is maybe my last article for the news and review. owen came over and we bought a firewire harddrive to use for a few days and then return, knowing full well we'll get stuck with a 15% restocking fee. it's a last resort, our access up at unr is cut down and dawn, who would let us use her computer, has no disc space left.
worked 2 hours last night, then from 9 to 7 today with an hour break on our 5 minute promo piece for cockeyed tv. owen and i laid all the audio, scrubbed the hell out of it, i felt bone tired but content to have done lots of work, he's gonna figure out what we're gonna lay over the audio while i'm in portland, then as soon as i get back it's back to the lab for what should only be 5 hours more, then we ship it off to l.a. and cross our fingers. it feels good that i'm writing for the paper and doing video again, that plus the writing i've been doing lately on my own has been gratifying enough so that i'm not bummed about my bill paying job. gonna try hard to find something better when i get to s.f. then what i have lined up, not that it's bad, and in truth i'd probably make more doing it, but i'd like to use my brain more.
was gonna write a bit about how i feel moving away from reno, thoughts about it have consumed me, all kinds of conflicts about if i'm giving up on the town, and if i'll ever be back. ran into jacob plougher (sp?) yesterday, he's doing real estate appraisal, he said he's ok with being here now, but it took him 5 years living away to be able to come back. maybe that will be me, maybe i'll never be back. this town's kinda burned in my skin though, can't deny it.
off to portland tomorrow, it'll be good to see the drewish in his natural element. think we're going climbing outside on sunday, gonna ride bikes around a lot and hang out with the spaceman, lainy and dustin, it'll be real good times, i know already. then it's back to reno for 2 and a half days, then off and up out.
Posted by bendan at 01:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 29, 2004
cockeyed tv
so yesterday owen and i got up early, loaded the video equipment, and drove over to sacramento. we were to meet up with rob cockerham, of cockeyed.com. owen had found rob's site sometime back, and had someone gotten a few producers down in hollywood interested enough that they wanted a 3 to 5 minute video detailing what a show of cockeyed tv would entail.
now on cockeyed.com, rob conducts all sorts of science exeriments, victimless pranks, and finding out how much is inside of a given container of something, for instance lipstick or a printer cartridge. he conducts all of his pranks and experiments with money from his own pocket, and when owen asked him what he would do if he had a budget behind him, excellent ideas readily flowed forth. so over the course of the day, we taped him talking about the history of his site, the pranks and experiments he's done, and what he'd do if he had a tv show. we even recreated a certain prank, out in the industrial section of west sacramento.
it feels good to be involved with video again, i have to say. yesterday owen and i took turns being director and trying to coax just the right sentence out of rob. over the course of the day we saw him get a little more comfortable with the lense pointed at him, it really is a hard thing to get used to and i for one feel like i always look ridiculous, but maybe we all do. for me, it's much better to be behind the scenes, pushing the buttons. i leave for portland on thursday morning, so we have between now and then to edit the piece well enough that some network orders a pilot. think we're gonna use dawn's editing system, she's being very kind to let us get some time in, though first i have to go try and borrow a portable harddrive from my old job at unr. cross your fingers.
so we drove back and got here around 8, it was a long day. steve's bar-b-q was still rocking, so i ate some good vegan sausages and hung out with owen, dawn, andrea, heeter, and alfredo for a while. everyone who's still in school is swamped right now, i can't believe i've been done for nearly 2 years. i've been to a few places, but feels like i haven't got that much done. if this tv stuff picks up, then i'll be rolling.
today i work my second to last day, hope i make good money or else get sent home quick. i did very well on saturday, so i have some cash for portland, or maybe for some ink related adventures to take place later on today, we'll see.
these days alcohol is providing me with a pause button more then the fast forward i desire.
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March 25, 2004
Dawn of the muthafuckin' dead
daveo saved a ninja tonight, said he was totally down to see a flick after owen was occupied and slack d had other plans.
i fucking love post apocalyptic films. at owen's house today we watched the deleted scenes of 28 Days Later and the alternative endings, and then i got to go see Dawn of the Dead with daveo. for some reason i really enjoy imagining what i would do if i were to find myself in that situation, stuck in downtown with one friend and hordes of zombies decending upon us. i would automatically imagine that my mom's husband would have the firepower to take care of her, so i'd mostly be concerned with saving steven, my dad and stepmom and stepsister. and as dave and i drove home i thought that i, given the worst case scenario of zombies and the end of the world and all that, that i'd take the chance, after obtaining firepower from john springer, To head over to the hilton to try and save a certain someone. that sounds ridiculous I know, but fantasy post-apocalyptic films and story lines usually are, so it's ok for me to say silly stuff, specially since i'm having a fun evening. cheers to daveo.
oh yeah, by the way, today was the one year anniversary that i returned to reno from my travels in mexico and cental america. kinda changes my thoughts about when years begin and end, before it was always august to may, then the traditional january to december, now it's based on the return of myself to this continent, march to march.
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March 24, 2004
something real, and real again
i will start writing again. for this i am happy.
please you should read these pomes by tony hoagland, first the second one down on this page, titled "self improvement," and then the first and maybe the second if you want to on this other page, these pomes are titled "just spring" and "beauty."
Posted by bendan at 01:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 23, 2004
my damn car
so i came out this morning to ride over to owen's to work on our tv projects, and lo and behold, someone broke into my car again. there's a secret that makes it very simple to get into, so they didn't hurt the locks or doors or anything, and for the second time they tried without success to get the cd player. what's funny is that they pulled the against me! cd out, didn't want it, and threw it on the floor. they rifled through the glove box, tried without success to get into the trunk, and then left, taking apparently nothing. it sucks they keep doing that, but in a way it's funny they never get anything. what would you expect though, i'd keep jewels in a beat up 400 dollar car? yeah right.
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March 22, 2004
a longer entry
i'll say that if you just had a relationship end, then it might be quite intense to go see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." maybe i'm dramatic, but for me, it felt a bit like an error i made this evening, though maybe not an error as much as a raw experience. my friend Heather and i went, and though i briefly drowsed during the opening credits, my eyes were stark open for the duration, and when it concluded and she dropped me off back at my car, i had a cry on her shoulder and felt embarrassed and then drove back to my house, where i'm listening to a borrowed alkaline trio cd and writing this, before i turn in to bed. I don’t regret that my relationship ended, and I know I’ll be happy again after I move, but I acutely miss the friendship that I loved so much. It’s too soon to be friends, of course, but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss it.
All in all it was still a good film, maybe 2 months from now i would have liked it and appreciated it differently, more objectively, but i fear that tonight i had a look of shock on my face during the show. I guess I’m sensitive to art, probably many will find it cheesy or not sophisticated but i remember having a long walk home alone after first seeing "American Beauty," which i thought was very well carried off, and apparently it touched a nerve with me at the moment, though it's not to say i did any crying over that film. ditto about the emoting over art for "Eternal Sunshine" though, in truth i'd be better off maybe if we would have went to see "Dawn of the Dead," or anything really.
so now i'm drinking tampico juice before i turn in, glad to have expunged this truthful and not-embarrassing-but-rather-harsh matter from my brain. i move from this town in 15 days, and I’m not working enough during those days, so I feel like I have too much time to think. I’ll try and counteract that with exercise and maybe less booze.
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March 21, 2004
bar fly
been drinking a lot lately, it's been fun and not too expensive. exploring new and seedy dive bars all over reno, when i exhaust them i'm moving on to sparks, got a lot of territory to cover in the short time i have left in this town. gonna go visit drew the first, it'll be the first time i get up to portland in the almost year i've been back in this reno, long overdue.
here's a good photoshop contest about kittens.
Posted by bendan at 10:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 18, 2004
ducks in a row
man it feels good to make lists of things to do and then check them off. found out a few minutes ago i got my transfer ok'd, i start work in s.f. the 8th, the day after the modest mouse show. right now my last day of work in reno is the 30th, not sure if i'll work more after that, or if i'll move to s.f. the 1st, or maybe i'll go up to portland for a couple days. cue against me! on the stereo.
Posted by bendan at 03:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 17, 2004
Thank you moveon.org (link fixed)
if you follow one link i put on here, follow this one. fucking liars.
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i'm moving away from reno
Shannen and i had our final breakup. part of me still can't believe it, but it's true. i hadn't already moved away from Reno because i wanted to be with her. now i'm not, and it's time to go. so i'm moving to San Francisco.
aaron and matt from Ohio are down there, plus some other new and old friends, so i'll have people to hang out with and have adventures with. i told my housemates i'll be out at the beginning of next month, i'm getting a transfer though my job to a store in s.f., and today i'm cancelling my climbing gym membership. it's for real.
planning to leave is helping me not think about shannen and all that happened as much, though i still am, a lot. on her site she said she was relieved and sad, i guess i feel the same way. we spoke on the phone yesterday, talked about how we'll be friends, it made me feel better. it's weird though not to hang out every day and sleep next to her, it's a hard time. not so hard though.
Drew says that now that he doesn't live here, he likes Reno more. it makes sense, i always noticed how much prouder i am to be from Reno when i'm somewhere else. to this end, it might be time to finally get the RENO tattoo that daveo and i always talked about. we'll see.
Posted by bendan at 09:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 16, 2004
fasting
yesterday had no hunger really, so i didn't eat. woke up this morning not hungry again, but feel kinda weak, might eat a banana. hard times.
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March 10, 2004
photoshop contests and yet another bush video!
so i used to think the somethingawful photoshop contests were the best, but more and more i'm leaning towards the one's conducted on fark.com. here's a sterling example of people wasting their time with photoshop so you can waste your time looking at. vive l'internet!
owen showed me this bush video, i told him he browses the internet enough that he should get a site, he said he'd leave it to me though.
Posted by bendan at 08:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 09, 2004
a lifted spirit
seeing spring weather in reno this early in the year is a trick of nature. today it's beautiful shorts wearing bike riding weather, and in a few days it'll probably be snowing again and crappy. but i find myself looking out the window and realizing how little interest i have in the winter. it used to be i wanted it so bad, pretty much so i could go snowboarding, and now since i've lost a bunch of interest in snowboarding, i just want the sun.
against me! played in reno last night, 4th time i've seen them. owen came along with his lady friend denise as well as james who's also from montana and 2 japanese foreign exchange students, who must have thought we were weird as hell, given that we ended up drinking night train and brass monkey before the show in the alley behind archaik. shannen and jennie met us armed with some coors lite, then we went inside and watched lucero, an country punk band i guess you'd call them, they covered "kiss the bottle" by jawbreaker country style, prolly should have got one of the records but they had 4, and i couldn't decide which one. against me! rocked out as good as ever, it was great to have steve and dave and joe and todd fergusen in the crowd to sing along with, i thought i might lose my voice but it seems to be holding together.
there's a new get your war on, it has a few good strips.
owen and i are planning some video stuff, feels good to be getting back into that part of my life that's been neglected.
ok, off to ride to work.
Posted by bendan at 10:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 08, 2004
good times in s.f.
went to san francisco, visited aaron and matt, we rode bikes around and drank 40's and saw against me!, my favorite band. aaron is a bike messenger and lives in a house with a bunch of people who all take turns cooking dinners for each other, matt lives in the mission district, in a converted post office that's being renovated into living space. he works at an art store.
we were all gonna go to alaska next summer, now that sounds in doubt. they want to stay in s.f. for the summer.
here's a post from krista, drew's girlfriend. it's a good one.
Posted by bendan at 09:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 06, 2004
worthless romantic
shannen is lying in her bed looking at me as i write this. we are talking again, and spending time together. i don't deserve it, and feel lucky as hell, and undeserving. all we've been listening to is the newest modest mouse, at first i said my favorite song was #2, float on, but then i realized it was #14, one chance.
people talk too much about the seasons, make too many references about the relation between the temperature and precipitation and their state of being, so i won't.
maybe someday i'll be writer. the thought of being paid to write words is amazing. we put so much stock in words in our lives, spoken ones more then anything but written ones nearly as much, and i can't imagine the feeling i'd have to hear someone tell me they bought a book i wrote or a magazine that had an article i'd penned, and that they enjoyed it, that it made them think or even moved them. something to shoot for.
Posted by bendan at 03:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 01, 2004
video
owen gets into town today, we've been talking about firing up some old video projects, and some new ones. something to occupy the mind.
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