charlie's blog

Edit

I forgot one really important thing that happened at the race today. As mary and i rounded this corner, we saw a guy sprawled out on the ground, a bunch of people all bent down doing different things, and people running in all directions trying to get the attention of the police officers at each corner. It was weird because, my mind started instantly racing, going through all the CPR stuff, all the first aid i learned, trying to pull what little clues i could, such as somebody telling him to keep coughing, somebody else mentioning a heart attack. But the thing i thought about the most was the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to really do anything. I can't get to the police officers quicker, most of my first aid knowledge consists of send somebody to get help, figure out what the problem is, stop bleeding, treat for shock, the standard stuff that is easy to cover in two 4 hour sessions. But there wasn't anything i could do to help this person, actually that isn't completely true, as mary would say sometimes all you can do is pray, but somehow i still don't have enough faith to believe that that is enough. i wanted to be in there making the decisions, but i knew that i wasn't the person to be doing that, the people helping him were far more qualified than me. all i could was to keep going past, to hope that he was okay, and try not to create a scene. I guess i figured i wouldn't want a bunch of people gauwking at me if i was sprawled out on the ground. But is that just an excuse, because i was to scared and helpless to make a difference for this man. I don't know, but it has been kind of eating at me, and i can't decide how to feel. I don't know what happened to me, i saw the helicopter from washoe med fly over about ten minutes later, i figure they wouldn't have sent the helicopter if he was already dead, right? What a weird feeling, it might be the feeling i hate the most, i like to think there is always something you can do, buy maybe that isn't the case.