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January 24, 2004
pre travel anxiety and blues
so i leave in 5 days. still have many things to finish up here, that's nothing new, i'll get most of it accomplished.
in that i leave a lot, i've been thinking of the feeling of anticipation you get when you're waiting to hit the road. all the time running up to taking yourself out of regular life swirls around, and excitement flutters inside, hued with anxiety about an unknown so forthcoming. i think i felt it first most strongly when i left for spain. i have a memory of me in the living room of the katherine house alone, waiting for dawn and her folks to come pick me up, eyes blazing.
now i sit here a semi experienced traveler, and because i better know what to expect, the senses of the loss of complete control that will ensue, i am more still, content to finish what needs to be finished here and meditate on the imperative of looking really hard at what i will see, to remember it, since i take so few photos.
i feel so sad now, so so sad, not about traveling, but something more immediate. music pounds in my head whether i want it to or not, i am wracked and double over, and song titles suddenly make so much sense.
Posted by bendan at January 24, 2004 09:24 AM
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